Welcome!

Hey, ya’ll! Chelsey, here. I just wanted to give you a little background on who I am and why I started this blog. I am a 26 year old mother, wife, and most importantly, follower of Jesus. My son is almost a year old (I can’t believe it!) and I’ve been married to my wonderful husband for a little over 2 years now. I really wanted the opportunity to share some of my personal experiences, insights, and just some things that God has said to me. My posts might seem a little bit random, but I mostly just write what comes to me. I hope you all enjoy reading these, and maybe even feel inspired. I mostly just hope that somebody reads this (lol).

God bless you,

Chels.

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Let It Go.

If you’re a human being on this planet, I’m willing to bet that at some point or another, you’ve lost something. I don’t mean material things, like losing your keys or phone (although I do that all the time); I’m talking about losing something intangible. Life is full of disappointments, and at times, things get lost. Relationships. Trust. Opportunities. You get the idea. Sometimes, we try so hard to hold on to them even after they’re gone, and we can’t get past it. We refuse to let go. Letting go of things can be scary, but it’s absolutely necessary. God removes things from our lives that no longer serve us on our spiritual journeys.

There will be times when a relationship no longer pushes you forward; let it go. It’s heartbreaking when the people we love suddenly seem to walk away, out of our lives. I’ve experienced this more and more the closer I get to God. We just have to trust that God is taking us somewhere that they can’t go. I’ve found that many important things must be done alone. I think sometimes we tend to lean more on the people in our lives that we do on God. While leaning on others isn’t necessarily a bad thing, if God realizes that it hinders our relationship with Him, we might see problems begin to develop with the people we’re closest to. Sometimes, the ones you love the most are the ones most likely to hold you back spiritually. Sometimes, God removes those people from your life because He knows they’ll hinder your growth, like weeds choking out a rosebush. He wants us to grow in our faith and in our relationship with Him, and just like a gardener, He prunes our relationships with other people to make sure we can do that. (Proverbs 13:20, 1 Corinthians 15:33)

There will be times when your trust is broken by someone you love; let it go. Sometimes, God lets our trust in others get broken so that we can learn that He is the only One we can truly, fully and completely trust. When you put your trust in other people, you’ll always be disappointed. People will never be able to hold up to that expectation. We all fall short, and we all regularly fail each other. It sucks, but it’s true. We can’t help it, we’re only human (Isaiah 2:22). God sometimes needs to remind us of that, because we’re too quick to put our faith in others. The only One you can 100% rely on is God, and I think that’s probably a harsh and unpopular truth.

There will be times when opportunities pass you by, or when you get rejected; let it go. There are opportunities for us every day. An opportunity to be obedient to God, or not to. An opportunity to show love to someone, or not to. An opportunity to share the gospel with a stranger, or not to. Sometimes we have opportunities that affect our lives in a big way, such as a promotion or buying a house. The hardest part about this is accepting the fact that no matter how amazing you think it might be, not every opportunity you come across is meant for you (Isaiah 55:8-9). Sometimes God keeps us from these because He has something better in store for us, even though we may not see it right away.  For example, my husband and I were trying to rent an apartment about a year ago. We got denied for it. We were so disappointed at the time and we couldn’t understand why things wouldn’t just work out for us. Fast forward to a year later, and my husband is working as a store manager (2 positions above where he started) in a town an hour away. If we had gotten that apartment, there’d be no way he would have even been able to accept that job because we would have been stuck. See? God’s plan ended up being better for us, but at the time, we couldn’t see it.

A lot of times, I think people want to feel in control of their own lives. We get frustrated when we lose things, or when things don’t go the way we wish they would. We just want everything to work out the way we see it, but the point is that God knows what’s best for us better than we do. He sees the bigger picture (Jeremiah 29:11, Romans 8:28). His plan may include some disappointments, but we shouldn’t hold on to them. Really, I feel like this life on Earth is just a trial period anyway, to learn how to be faithful and worship God the way we should. Our true home is in Heaven. I don’t know about you, but that’s something I think is worth waiting for. So in the meantime…I’ll just let it go.

 

God bless & love always,

❤ Chels

 

PS. To all the parents out there who have seen Frozen a billion times…sorry if you have Elsa stuck in your head for awhile! :p

When You Feel Unloved…

…You should do the loving.

Hear me out, ya’ll. You know that saying, “Love doesn’t make the world go around, but it makes the ride worthwhile?” It’s wrong. Love does make the world go around. We all need love. We all need to give love to others. Love connects us all, even complete strangers, and gives us something that we can all relate to. Why do you think love stories are so popular? Every single relationship you have has some form of love in it. Love for your family. Friendships. Romantic love. Even a simple act of kindness towards a stranger or a smile at someone as you walk by them in the grocery store is formed out of love. Love is engraved on our hearts from the very beginning.

The problem is, love is messy. We get it all twisted sometimes. We love the wrong people. We love things INSTEAD of people. We love our sins and we defiantly try to live our lives purely based on what we justify as right, because it’s the way we feel. We love ourselves ABOVE other people. We love people who don’t love us back. We don’t love people who love us. Sometimes, love sucks. Sometimes, it’s really difficult to love people, especially when we feel unloved ourselves. Sometimes, it can feel like there’s no one in the entire world that truly loves you.

When you feel unloved, you should do the loving. I think some people sometimes forget that everything does not revolve around them. We tend to want love from others and demand that they meet our needs, and we’re unwilling to do the same for them. Sometimes, we feel unloved when others don’t love us in the way we expect. We all want to feel loved, but we should also try to be loving. Sometimes in the midst of feeling unloved, we forget to keep on loving others. We become increasingly more difficult to love because we get stuck in feeling that way. And ya’ll, it’s REALLY HARD. It’s hard to keep on loving, especially when you feel like it’s not being reciprocated. But let me tell you something: the more you love, the more love you get in return.

*Obviously there will be times when you have to let go of a genuinely unloving person for your own health, such as toxic relationships or abuse. In this case, you need to LOVE YOURSELF. Love yourself enough to get out. It doesn’t mean that you stop loving that person, but if they’re toxic to you, you need to cut them out of your life. Harsh, but true.*

When you feel alone and unloved (which I think we all do at some point), keep loving others, but also love yourself. You are worthy of love. You matter. You are important. Please don’t distance yourself from others because you feel unlovable. Reach out. Love boldly. I promise, it’s worth it. Yeah, love can hurt sometimes, but without the disappointment of human love, we’d never be able to realize the everlasting and radical love that God has for us. No matter how many times we sin against Him, walk away from Him, get angry with Him, or question Him…He will always keep on loving us.

We’re called to be the example of God’s love to others. (John 13:34) You might be the only Jesus that someone ever meets. We’re called to be loving. And yes, it’s very difficult. But with God, it’s possible.

When you feel unloved, you should do the loving. Remember how much God loves you. You’re never truly unloved. ❤

 

Sorry if this is kind of a mess, organizing my thoughts gets extremely difficult for me sometimes. Lol. I hope you guys got the gist of what I was trying to say though.

God bless & love always,

❤ Chels

What Depression Feels Like

It comes and goes. The last time I was in a really deep depression, I wrote this at my darkest point. Reading it now is sort of surreal. I never really realize how bad it gets until my depression lets up for a little while. I just want to share how much of a struggle it is. For those who have depression, you already know. For those who don’t have depression, but love someone who does, this is a peek inside a depressed mind. Everyone’s different, so it’ll differ from person to person. Here’s what my mind is like when I’m depressed:

 

i’ve been feeling so far away lately.
drifting.
it almost feels like i’m falling…
away from everyone…
and everything…
into…nothing.
it’s dark.
i can’t see anything.
i can’t find my way back out again
and i’m screaming but
no one hears me.
i’m drowning ever so slowly
and my lungs are full of water
but somehow i’m still breathing
and my chest aches with each inhale.
i’m dizzy.
i’m spinning around and around
and i feel like i’m going to hit the ground hard
but i never do.
and then even when i stand still,
everything still spins around me.
i’m lost.
i just want to go home but for me,
home isn’t four walls,
it’s two arms and a heartbeat and
you feel further away than ever now.
i want your hand in mine
while i desperately try to save myself
but you get angry at the way i retreat into my mind
when i’m sad.
i wish you knew
i have a sledgehammer beating on these walls all day
but i build them up as fast as i break them down
and i’m trapped in here.
i wish i could tell you everything
but my secrets hide even from me
and they’re locked up tight so they can’t hurt me.
i want to let you in
but i feel like a princess stuck in a tower
and i keep chopping off all my hair
so i can stay up here forever.
in a way, the sadness is comforting because it’s familiar
but i hate the way it destroys both of us
and poisons our lives.
it creeps into every little thing
and even memories that should be happy
are tinged with negativity
so that everything looks gray.
i’m walking through a battlefield every single day
and all i can do is dodge bullet after bullet
but sometimes i get hit
and it’s hard to keep walking so i have to crawl.
some days it feels like i can’t move at all.
sometimes it feels like i’m already dead
and i’m floating through an imaginary world
and nothing is real.
there are demons that haunt me and tell me
no one will ever love me.
they tell me i’m too much of a mess
and they’re probably right
but…
somehow, you’re still here with me.
you are always willing to stand up and help me fight
when i’m too tired to carry on.
even when i push you away to try and keep you safe,
you come right back and pull me close and tell me
everything will be okay.
i don’t know if i will ever be okay,
but the only time i feel like it’s even a possiblity
is when you’re standing next to me
reminding me why i’m fighting in the first place.
i’m so sorry you have to go to war for me
but i’m so grateful you do.

 

Be gentle to others. You never know what they might be going through. Many people learn how to conceal their depression, myself included. Just remember that we all fight battles all the time, and some people fight battles with themselves. Let me tell you from experience, constant war within yourself is EXHAUSTING. I tend to isolate myself when I’m depressed. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I don’t reach out for help. Please, if you love someone with depression and they’re also isolating themselves, make sure you check on them frequently. They might really need you to.

Let’s all be a little kinder today. A little more understanding. A little more sympathetic. Just love others as much as you possibly can. Most of the time, the people who seem the most unlovable are the ones who need it the most.

 

God bless,

❤ Chels.

God Forgives You (Even If You Struggle To Forgive Yourself)

I’m about to get really honest and it’s going to be uncomfortable for me, but God is asking me to share this with ya’ll. A lot of this story, my family doesn’t even know…so if ya’ll are reading, I’m sorry I never reached out. I hope ya’ll can forgive me too. I love you guys.

I have been through a lot of rough times in my life. I’ve been abused. I’ve been cheated on. I’ve been lied to. I’ve been emotionally scarred. I’ve had people do some really messed up things to me. On the other hand, I’ve also been the abuser. I’ve been the cheater. I’ve been the liar. I’ve emotionally scarred others. I’ve done some really messed up things to people. I’ve been a sinner, and I still am. I have felt immensely guilty for the things I’ve done in my life. I have struggled with self-harm. I’ve had a battle with alcoholism. I have had WAY too many sex partners. I have numbed my emotional pain with drugs. I have struggled with depression and anxiety because of how much wrong I have done in my life, as well as how much wrong has been done to me. I spent years searching for something in this world to save me. I didn’t figure it out until recently, but I never needed anything in this world to save me. I already had a Savior, and He was just waiting for me to reach out.

The first time I can remember going to church, I was a little girl. I went to Sunday school. I colored during the sermon, but I remember singing the songs and dancing without a care in the world. I loved it! My mom got out of the habit of taking me. I never really knew much about God growing up, except the things that my mom and grandma would tell me. I went to church a few times with friends throughout my teenage years, but I never actually knew God until I met my husband. For now, I’m gonna focus on the period of my life that I like to call my “Lost Years.”

At 16, I had an abortion. It devastated me. I sunk into a deep depression, unable to forgive myself and dwelling in the guilt of my decision. I became promiscuous, and I think in some way I was trying to cope. By the time I graduated high school, I already had 5 sexual partners. After graduation I did okay for awhile, but when I was 19, I started online dating. In retrospect, it was a terrible idea given my mental state, but I was young and extremely naive. I starting chatting with this guy and we decided to meet. The first time I met him, I went to his house. He seemed nice enough at first, but jumped into being physical fairly quickly. I was really uncomfortable and I repeatedly asked him to slow down, but he never did. I ended up having sex with him, mostly because he wouldn’t stop. I convinced myself that I was giving in willingly to keep myself from feeling like I was being raped. I think deep down I knew the truth, but it wasn’t until years later that I actually accepted that I had been raped, and that this event was the starting point to a downward spiral.

Then, it became almost too easy. I didn’t value sex anymore. I gave it away to anyone who wanted me because I was immensely afraid that I wasn’t good enough for anyone. I started partying to mask how unhappy I was. I drank until I didn’t care. I had meaningless sex with strangers, each time giving away a piece of myself that I can never get back. I chose to date guys who were very toxic, controlling, and narcissistic. Anytime that I had a good boyfriend, I cheated or lied and messed it up. I put so much distance between myself and anyone who tried to get close to me. As I struggled, I self-harmed because it felt like the only way to gain a little control in my life. I could never control my emotional pain, but I could control the physical pain, and I was the only one who could make it stop. I contemplated suicide several different times, because I was genuinely convinced that my family and friends would be better off without me. At that point, my life didn’t seem worth living. I can’t tell you how glad I am that I never went through with it.

I got treatment for my depression at 22 years old. For awhile, it helped. I was in a long-term relationship, I moved out of my mom’s house, and I didn’t feel as much pain anymore. Then, I realized that I didn’t feel anything anymore. While I couldn’t feel the sadness or guilt, I also didn’t feel love or joy. I didn’t care about anything anymore, and I didn’t like that. So I stopped taking my medication altogether (which I acknowledge you’re definitely not supposed to do). My highs were higher and my lows were lower, but it was better than feeling like a zombie. But the lows got really low and I started thinking about self harming again, so I started smoking cannabis to control my depression and anxiety. I loved it. I smoked ALL the time. I don’t think I had a sober moment for about 6 months straight.

I broke up with the guy I was in a semi-stable long-term relationship with. I started dating a guy who also smoked, and our relationship was strained to say the least. I moved in with him. He smoked because he was bipolar, but marijuana didn’t always help him. Sometimes, he would lash out at me out of nowhere. I had to be careful what I said to him, even jokingly, because I never knew what would set him off. I stayed, though, because I thought I had nowhere else to go. Then one day, he slammed my head in between the door and its frame. I felt something pulling me away, saying, “Chelsey, leave.” I called my mom and she said I could move back in with her, so I did. The guy threw all my stuff into big black garbage bags and broke a lot of my things in the process, but I knew I needed to get away from him, so I didn’t really care. This was rock bottom for me. Thank God for my mom, I really don’t know what I would have done without her.

A couple weeks after moving back in with my mom at 24 years old, I met my husband, and simultaneously, I met God. I know that God put Eddie in my life to bring me back to Him. I walked into the church I now go to every Sunday…and I was home. Finally. I gave my life to the Lord and expected everything to be better. And of course, in a way, it is better. But it’s not better the way I thought it would be. You know, some Christians like to say things like, “If you just believe in God, He will make all your problems disappear!” But it doesn’t work like that. Believing in God will not get rid of your problems, it just gives you access to the Problem Solver. I still struggle with the guilt of my past. I still struggle with depression. I still struggle with urges to revert back to my old coping mechanisms. But ya’ll, here’s the amazing part: I know I’m never alone. I know I’m loved beyond what I can comprehend. I know God will help me fight my battles. Most importantly, I know I am forgiven. When I think about my past and start feeling guilty, I know that is Satan trying to remind me of what I’ve done so that I start to doubt God’s forgiveness. In a way, knowing that Satan is attacking me makes it so much easier to turn to God for help.

When you give your life to God, you give up your past. You give up everything you used to be, and you are born again, renewed, cleansed, and forgiven. When you give your burdens to God, don’t go pick them back up. Rest easy in God’s gift of grace, and PRAISE Him for giving His Son Jesus to die for your sins. I know I’m not perfect; no one is…except Jesus. Those nails didn’t hold Him to the cross; LOVE DID. He loves you so much that He chose to die in your place, receiving the punishment that should have been yours. God gave up HIS SON for YOU; don’t you realize how important you are to Him? Your past mistakes don’t define you; they are reminders of how far you’ve come. Don’t let your guilt keep you from receiving God’s gift of grace. You will be forgiven, totally and completely, but you have to ask for it. Nothing you’ve done in your life can keep God from loving you. Nothing. Run to Him and He will accept you with open arms. He saved me and changed me; He can do the same for you.

I really hope that this helped someone. I know what it’s like to feel like there’s no hope, but I can promise you one thing. There is always, always, always hope.

 

God bless you.

❤ Chels.

 

Faith Moves Mountains, Doubt Creates Them.

It has been WAY too long since I’ve written. I have been in the trenches, ya’ll. I’ve been dealing with a LOT of drama, depression, and overall I’ve just been exhausted, emotionally, mentally and physically. I’ve been going through so much BAD, and I have felt so stuck in it. For a long time, I felt like it would never end. I felt like all the bad things in my life kept piling on top of me, and there was no way that I’d ever make it out. I was so focused on all the negative, I couldn’t see anything else. I frantically tried to do everything I could think of to fix the situation, but everything I did only made it worse. My depression got the best of me and I was wallowing in it because it was a familiar feeling in the midst of chaos. In the middle of my struggle, I finally looked up, and I realized that I should have been doing that the entire time.

Ya’ll, I felt so stupid. There I was, in the worst depression of my life, trying to handle it 100% on my own. I should’ve known I could never do that, but that’s exactly what I was trying to do. I realize now that the root of the problem was doubt. I doubted myself. I doubted I’d ever be happy again. I doubted whether anybody actually loved me. I doubted that God would be able to help me. I doubted that God even cared about me. I was terribly stuck in a vicious cycle of self-hate and self-doubt. I looked up, and God was there. I reached out, and God took my hand and helped me through. In the darkest point I’ve had in a LONG time, God pulled me out…but not until I looked up.

I’ve been doing a lot of bible journaling lately, which has been so helpful for me. Today, God led me to the book of Mark. Chapter 11, verse 23. It says, “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them.” Wow. Can you imagine telling a mountain to move, and then it does? That’s incredibly powerful. But there’s a catch in there: in order to move mountains, you CANNOT have doubt in your heart. You have to believe with your whole heart and soul that the mountain will move, and then God will make it happen.

There are so many spiritual mountains in our lives that sometimes make us feel like we’ll never get past them. For me, it’s usually my own mental illnesses that seem like the biggest obstacles. But when we focus on the obstacle, we tend to wonder if we will be able to get through it. We start to think of all the ways in which we think we aren’t good enough, or not deserving enough, and it creates an even bigger problem: doubt. Doubt literally creates more mountains for you that you have to get past. When you doubt your own abilities, you’re really doubting God’s ability to guide you. When you doubt yourself, you’re doubting God’s love for you. Doubt can literally stop God from doing what He wants to do in your life. God wants to move mountains for you, but He won’t move them unless you believe that He will.

When I was stuck in my doubt, God didn’t move my mountain for me. He waited until I reached out to Him, and only then did my mountain start to move. I prayed for Him to get me through all the negativity, and He did. I prayed to be set free from my own self-hate, and I was. I prayed for God to heal my situation, and He did. I prayed, and I asked my Father for the things I desperately needed, and He was faithful to answer my prayers because I believed that He would help me. It took time, but I had faith that it would happen. And it did. My mountain finally moved, because I believed it would.

God wants to move mountains for you. But He will not move them if you don’t believe that He will.

 

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Have faith. Stay strong. Your mountains will move. It just might take a little time.

❤ Chels.

Finding Your Self-Worth

In this world, it’s extremely easy to feel inadequate. We get so caught up in the things we’re supposed to be, we forget to acknowledge who we really are. Everybody is different. We all have unique talents, experiences, personalities, and appearances. No two people are exactly the same. That’s what makes YOU so amazing!

Our society says that if you’re not perfect, you’re not as worthy as someone who THEY deem to be perfect. The problem with that is the idea of “perfect” is changing constantly. With so many trends and fads, it’s hard to keep up with who exactly society wants you to be. First there was the “thigh gap” and girls were starving themselves to try and get it; now it’s “better” to have fuller thighs and a booty. First there was the clean-shaven look for guys; now full beards and “man-buns” are seen as more “attractive.” From thick brows and full lips to flawless skin and flat stomachs, it’s really hard to measure up to these unrealistic ideals that society has set for people to achieve. Everybody strives to be perfect, when in reality, we are already made perfectly! God made each of us in His image. God thought, “I’m going to create something amazing.” And then HE MADE YOU.

I think as a whole, we all need to just stop. We should appreciate the people we were created to be, and stop trying to be anyone other than the amazing people we are. You are different, and that’s a good thing! Why would you want to be anything other than what God created you to be?

Stop and think about the thoughts that you tell yourself every day. Is it, “I’m not rich enough,” “I’m not pretty enough,” “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m not strong enough,” “I’m not skinny enough,” “I’m not GOOD enough…”? These are all lies. You are enough as you are. You don’t have to change who you are to be worthy of love. You are loved. You are important. You matter. Even if you feel like you don’t, you do to someone. You do to God. He loves you more than you can even imagine. He loves you so much that He sent His SON to die for YOU. Can you imagine that? I can’t.

I spent my entire life believing these lies about myself. Feeding the thoughts back in over and over. “I’ll never be good enough.” It wasn’t until I met God that I truly started challenging them. Every time I thought, “I’m not pretty enough,” God told me, “I made you exactly the way I wanted you.” Every time I told myself, “I’m not skinny enough,” God asked me, “Why do you need to validate yourself based on how other people see you, when I see your HEART, and that’s what really matters?” Every time I thought, “I’m not strong enough to handle this,” God told me, “I’m strong enough, and in your weakness, you are made strong by ME.” God keeps putting me in check. And I am so thankful for this. When I see myself as God sees me, all these “not enoughs” fade away. They become “enoughs”. I know that I am enough for God, because even in my sin, He loves me. If God could love me even before I knew Him, how can I not love myself the same way?

When you feel like you aren’t enough, please know that you are. You don’t have to make anybody happy except yourself and God. He can take away the impact of those negative thoughts and replace it with the impact of His love for you. When you feel those thoughts sneaking up on you, turn to God for your validation, not people. People will always let you down and tear you down, but God will lift you up. Sometimes, God will send people to remind you of the frailty of human love to emphasize His never-ending love and grace. He will remind you of your true worth, and if you believe Him, nothing else will matter. You won’t need to worry about pleasing others, because you’ll want to please God. When you focus on pleasing God, you will in turn please yourself. God loves you. God created you for an important purpose. You are worthy. All you have to do is recognize that.

God bless you.

Chels

The Struggle is Real; But I am a Warrior.

Y’all. I know I haven’t written in WAY too long. I’m sorry. I’m struggling. A lot.

I’m going through a particularly bad bout of depression. It comes and goes for me. I’m finally starting to come out of it, but it’s hard. It’s hard to get up in the morning. All I want to do is sleep. But I continue to get up. Because I am a WARRIOR. It’s hard to smile sometimes. But I continue to try and smile, and laugh, and goof around with my son. Because I am a WARRIOR. It’s hard to do everyday activities, like exercising, brushing my teeth, and even general hygiene. It’s hard to find the motivation to take care of myself because sometimes, I really don’t care. But I continue to take care of myself the best way I know how. Because I am a WARRIOR.

Lately, I’ve isolated myself. It’s easier to be alone than to worry the people who care about me. Ironically, by isolating myself that’s exactly what I’ve done. It’s hard to explain depression to people who don’t have it. Most people that I’ve encountered don’t realize that depression is really an illness. I’ve had well-meaning people tell me to just “cheer up” and that “everything will be okay.” It’s frustrating to me because I want to believe that it’ll be okay, but don’t you think if I could just “cheer up” I’d already be doing that? I don’t want to feel this way. If I could stop being depressed, believe me, I’d do it in a heartbeat. But it doesn’t work like that. I feel like I don’t have any control over it. Over the past 3 months, I’ve felt broken down, lonely, guilty, angry, melancholy, and worst of all…nothing. I especially feel guilty for being depressed because I know my son needs me to be happy and to play with him…but some days I just can’t. Some days, I just need to burrito myself in a blanket and lay in bed because it’s all just too much.

I love my family. I know they love me and want the best for me. I know that God wants the same for me, but I find myself pulling away from everyone, even Him. But the more alone I feel, and the more I recognize that I’m the cause of my own loneliness, the more I realize I need to reach back out. I need to fight. I need to claw my way out of this depression because I AM A DAMN WARRIOR.

Every. Single. Day. is a fight for me. A fight to get out of bed. A fight to brush my teeth. A fight to eat healthier. A fight to be active. A fight to keep my faith. A fight to be social. But it’s okay…because I am a warrior.

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